With
the indoctrination (welcoming) of a brand new Talon staff, it is almost tradition
to have the brand new seniors take a pessimistic (that means bad) view on life. The
writer’s goal has been to combine humor, wit, sarcasm and complaining to express a
message of frustration with life as a student.
I will take the Vegas odds that most of the freshmen (hopefully)
reading this article have almost no clue what our school is really like. So here is a
brief sampling of one senior’s rules for survival at this institution we
affectionately call "school".
1. For those of you who either have Physical Education or are new to
the Tennis team, be very careful on CB’s vintage tennis courts. The courts are
extremely cracked and dangerous. Chasms have been known to spontaneously open and swallow
school buses whole, which is a very good reason not to park school buses on the tennis
courts in the first place.
2. Whenever you have a lab in Mr. Dal Porto’s class, be sure to
use as many lab supplies as you can to play the fun and educational game, "Does it
Burn?"
3. If a senior cuts in front of you in line at break, speak up! Stand
up for your rights as a person. It has been almost three full years since a freshman was
canned. For you truly naive freshman, a "canning" involves placing a
freshman face first into a can of refuse.
4. Finally, do not ever, EVER, EVER park in a senior parking space. You junior
and sophomore hotshots with cars may think that at 7:59 in the morning that you are not
doing any harm, but such is not the case. You see, CB security chief, Al Moser, has
personally memorized each and every license plate in the CB parking lot, and if you are
not parked where you are supposed to be, CB security chief, Al Moser, will use a Slim Jim
to break into your car and hot wire it, leaving it abandoned beside the road in Galt.
